I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
