is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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