I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
