I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
