I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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