found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
