i need an iv and a liver transplant
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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