there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
