why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
