Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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