i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize