Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm really busy with my period
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