all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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