tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish I only lived at night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
