and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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