worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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