Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
