Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
