i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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