new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
