dude i'm inner monologue high
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My breasts were aching with rage.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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