I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
