Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
