Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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