You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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