dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
