The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize