a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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