The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
