I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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