I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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