a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
