I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
