Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
