It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
