A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
