i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
