my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
