the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
In America we eat man semen.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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