Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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