i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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