Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
