dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
