why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
