if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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