this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
