does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
