Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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