he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
