covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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