It's Friday. Sex?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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