Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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