I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
