I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
