Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
