she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Terrible idea I love it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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