Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize