Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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