Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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