things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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