Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
