just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
