Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
