I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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