Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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