Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
