You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
