i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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