You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
